If you clicked on this post, it obviously means that you either want to see what is wrong with me and say “Ah-hA! I knew she wasn’t perfect” or you want to learn how I accepted what I could not change, and motivate yourself to do the same.
You see, there are always two kinds of people in this world. Most of the times we deal with those who are bullies, arrogant, ugly and mean. I think a lot of us can actually relate to being a victim of some kind of bullying in school. I was definitely bullied for my ears, my mole (which I have had surgically removed a few years ago) and when I just moved up from Cape Town when I was 10, believe it or not, I was bullied for my accent. I mean there are tons of videos and motivational blog posts out there telling you how you should be stronger than a bully, or how to ignore them, how to overpower them, how to win them.
But I am here to say, a bully can change your life… in a bad way…. and sometimes we cannot break free from that, that have been said to or about us. It breaks us and we walk around it for the rest of our lives because it will always stick in the back of our head. And for me, my ears are exactly the thing that I have been struggling with for YEARS!
When I got to high school, it was a huge disappointment to not be asked out on your very first Valentines Day Ball at school, and worst for me was that afterwards I started hearing jokes about a boy being teased by his friends to ask the girl with the big ears to the ball. I know that I do not have HUGE ears, and to be honest, at that stage I couldn’t figure out what the problem was with my ears, I just had funny ears. i started investigating every photo of my ears, trying to figure out why I was being teased about them. The more I looked at them, the more I started hating them. When I was 15, I started wearing my hair over my ears, I would never wear a high bun, never had my ears open, never had a sleek back ponytail, because my ears had to be covered ALL. THE. TIME! And with school rules of not having loose bangs, it made it even more difficult to hide them. I then grew my hair super long so it could cover my ear, fit tightly into my ponytail elastic and that would push the top half of my ear flat. Sometimes I would even wear a headband covering my ears. They would start going red, hurt so much, and I would even have headaches, but the last thing I did was reveal them.
But as things go, I even got teased for having my ears covered all the time “Why do you wear the headband over your ear?” “You probably cannot hear so well with the hair over your ears! HAhA”
Honestly I already felt so self conscious about it that those remarks didn’t even bother me because at least they weren’t teasing me about my ears, but my obsession with my ears became so bad at one stage, that I didn’t want to go to school on a bad hair day, or I would just talk about having plastic surgery done to get them fixed. My parents could definitely not afford that, and my mom and dad would have countless of chats with me about it.
I remember my dad holding my face with his big hands, looking into my eyes with tears in his, and saying: “My child, you are beautiful, and there’s really nothing wrong with your ears” . But still, it was always an issue for me. It was at that stage I actually felt very self conscious, could just not accept myself, and I started experimenting with makeup at the age of 15 to try and uplift myself and feel pretty… but that would only work on weekends. And boy, would someone see me the weekend with makeup? “OMG, she really wears too much makeup for her age!”
Make up makes me feel good, and till this day, it still does. When I met Kevin. My biggest fear was that he would leave me when he saw my ears (which I know for some people they might think it’s stupid, but this is how badly it affected my life). I think I only showed him a year after what my ears looked like. Believe me! It took a lot from me to do that! To my surprise, he laughed at me and told me I’m crazy, Im beautiful just the way I am…. It was only then that I would maybe wear my hair in a high ponytail in front of him, and he would always tell me he loved my hair like that.
He really gave me so much confidence that I could start wearing my hair out like that. BUT ONLY when my hair was dirty, and never when we met up with friends or someone we knew. Whenever my hair was up and I would run into someone, I would cover my one ear with my hand pretending like I’m rubbing the side of my head… and till today, it’s become such a habit, that I still do it when talking to someone and my ears are open.
I started noticing that I have one weird looking ear… it’s lower than the other one (so sunglasses always sit skew on my face) and when my hair is out of my face, my whole face looks like it’s slanted (well at least to me) and of course this ear kind of faces forward a bit more than the other one.
I still don’t really wear my hair out of my face a lot. I always try and cover it with bangs, or hair, or a headband. If I do take a photo, I only let my good ear show.
So here I am, facing forward, taking a photo of my weird ear!
And even though I still feel worried about it. I guess I just wanna show you… yeah, Im not perfect. But whoever tells me now I have “bak” ears, or tell me I look ugly with my hair up. I can just laugh it off and move forward, because it does not define who I am!
So I want to let you know that even if you have imperfections… they become your perfect imperfections, because they make you, you! And even though I don’t strut my perfect imperfect ear all the time… I have learned to accept it, and kind of just work around it. But the last thing you must ever allow is for those things, or the stuff people say about them consume you, and fill up your life with lies that make you believe that you are in any way not beautiful … because even with all our little things here and there that we do not like about ourselves. There are a thousand others that are great and makes us so gorgeous!
I hope this post encourages you to deal with whatever you might be facing right now, and to make you realise that you are beautiful baby!!!
Lots of LOVE